This
feeling, or rather the lack of feeling is frightening. It's nothing
as its described. Instead of pain there is an unrelenting numbness
and tingling feeling throughout my entire body although I know I
don't have a body anymore. It's as if my body is trying to exist but
simply doesn't. The best way I can describe it is like when you sleep
on your arm and it goes numb and it doesn't feel like a part of you
anymore and the feeling travels back into it slowly returning it back
to normal as it was before, except in my case the feeling never fully
returns just... numbness. I would welcome a little pain to be honest
just something, anything. Although there's no pain this is the worst
thing I've ever experienced. It's so dark its indescribable
I
was sitting in my office chair that I had bought for three bucks from
a thrift shop in my room. I haven't left this room for almost three
and a half weeks, that's a new record. Every once in a while my mom
tries to get me out of my room by knocking on the door for almost an
hour at a time. She doesn't know how I feel... nobody does. I wasn't
like this before “that” It's all because of her, that bitch.
Although she's only ever shown herself as a little girl I know that
she, no IT is a monster beyond human comprehension. Anyway I'm
getting off topic, as I was saying. I was sitting on the computer
writing my blog of 10,000 “fans” although they aren't real fans
they're all just sheep to the system who can't actually see whats
actually happening to themselves and the world they live in. I write
religiously about how I feel and about the toll that “that” had
on me though never getting into detail about “her”, you're
probably wondering what “That” is huh? Well I might as well tell
you, why not. Three years ago I had beautiful girlfriend she was the
love of my life. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Her name
was Sam, she had thick red hair, amazing smooth pale white skin and
she was so lovable and funny but... then she got sick, really, really
sick. Non-Hodgkin lymphoma the doctor said. Even the way I am today
isn't even comparable to how I felt that day it was the worst day of
my life by far. The doctor pulled me to the side and told me that
over a hundred thousand people died from this kind of cancer last
year and that the likelihood of survival was slim. Yeah that doctor
was quite frank, I like that, no garbage, straight to the point. Just
the memory of her body deteriorating is nightmare inducing. Anyway I
might as well get to the part where “she” comes in, I'm sure
you're curious by now. It had been a month and a half after Sam was
diagnosed and her condition was just getting worse and worse. It was
ten o'clock and I just got home. the nurses finally decided kick me
out after being there all day and yelling for the nurses every time a
machine made a sound that I didn't think was right even though it was
normal for the machines to make those noises. After getting home and
getting in and out of the shower I went to my room and cried again
just like I did the day before and the day before that. As I laid in
bed and cried I prayed to god to please help Sam and make her better
I knew it wasn't going to work. I had always been a strong atheist
but I wasn't in a good place at the time. As I was thinking and
uselessly praying to god I suddenly felt the worst fear I've ever
felt in my life, I couldn't even move. I felt the presence of
something not human, it was like standing in front of a 12 foot tall
polar bear that hasn't eaten for a year I knew if I wasn't careful I
could easily die. After five or six seconds I just started
uncontrollably shaking but I could move but just barely. I slowly
pulled the covers over my face and closed my eyes and stayed like
that for at least twenty minutes. The feeling didn't go away not even
slightly. I can't say I worked up the courage to take my head out
from under the covers I just wanted the feeling to stop. I shakily
pulled the covers off my face and saw “her” standing there. She
was a little girl with short black hair in dirty pink pajamas and she
clutched a small tattered teddy bear in her arms. The feeling of
dread I'd felt before skyrocketed it made me physically sick I wanted
to throw up then pass out and then die. I meant to ask who she was in
a forceful and loud manner but what came out was nothing but a
halfhearted whimper. The feeling was becoming too much for me so I
stared to cry silently to myself and I started to pull the covers
over my head and then she said something. I wasn't sure if I was
dreaming or not. Then she said it again in a whisper “I can save
her”. The feeling i had completely subsided and I felt numb and
tingly. I Said “what?” in a low breathy voice. She said it for a
third time “I can save her”. I don't know why but I completely
believed her. “How” I said. “I only need one thing” she says.
She then starts to rattle off in tongues i couldn't understand a word
of it, she said “mox rei vis erit. suus 'requiritur quod tota tua
est anima pueri mei”. I don't know why but all i remember is Asking
her to get rid of the cancer at all costs and then she started to
smirk and the smirk slowly spread into a hug grin from ear to ear and
then i blacked out. I awoke the next morning to my mother coming in
the room crying i asked her what was wrong and all she could say was
“I'm sorry” I kept asking her what was wrong already knowing what
she was going to say and she said “it's Sam, i just got a call from
the hospital. They say she died from complications due to the
chemotherapy”. I just sat there in awe with my eyes wide open and
tears running down my face and my mouth wide open. I immediately
thought to the night before and thought it must have been a
nightmare. I stayed home and cried for hours I didn't leave my room
for a day and a half, until my mother was knocking on my door for the
third time that day and usually what she says is all trash but this
time what she said caught my attention “during the autopsy they
didn't find any cancer in her body whatsoever” she said. So it
wasn't a dream, well at least I'm not crazy. It's all “her”
fault. I've never hated someone so much but I've also never feared
someone so much. To sum up the rest of the story I was a shut-in for
three years life just dragged on and on. I didn't enjoy living,
although my old life seems pretty good right now. Anyway last night i
got a little... visit. As always I was sitting in my room and laying
in my bed thinking about what I always think about, Sam. Then I
suddenly felt a feeling of dread far worse then before. This time I
could feel the intent to harm and just being in the very presence of
her is enough to turn the toughest of people into children. I
couldn't move at all just like before except time time it didn't let
up and I could see her standing there. I hear the feint sound of
laughter, the laughter of a little girl. It started sounding like
there were more than one person in the room all different tones and
pitches until they all morphed into one booming laugh. The utter
terror I felt is indescribable. I know I keep saying indescribable
but that's all this is, it can't be put into words. She suddenly
stopped laughing and I blinded through the tears and she was beside
my face in an instant still unable to move I wanted to yell “what
do you want” but I couldn't even do that. She seemed to read my
mind and start whispering in my ear in the same dialect as she was
speaking in before. “mox rei vis erit. suus 'requiritur quod tota
tua est anima pueri mei” she said it over and over again and slowly
I could hear another voice going in sync with what she was saying
“mox rei vis erit. suus 'requiritur quod tota tua est anima pueri
mei there
is only one thing that is required, your soul my child
”
“mox rei vis erit. suus 'requiritur quod tota tua est anima pueri
mei there
is only one thing that is required, your soul my child ”
“mox rei vis erit. suus 'requiritur quod tota tua est anima pueri
mei there
is only one thing that is required, your soul my child
”.
I finally understood what she was saying. This was always going to
happen. She screwed me over and now I have to pay for it we did make
a deal. And that's how I ended up here... this is hell.
The End
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